Bitches Who Brunch

79. Go to a drag queen brunch

Picture this; neon pink lighting, espresso martinis (of the unlimited variety..) and a Gemma Collins drag act. Am I wetting your whistle? If so, read on..

I’ve got a lovely group of girls I work with – Nicolle; my right hand woman and the girl that has me in stitches every single day, Mel; she’s a dreamboat with a fab bottom, Meg; so edgy I mentally call her the dodecahedron, and Helena; self-titled socially awkward, but insanely witty. If you know me, you’ll know that I am a seasoned bailer, I flake so much I belong in a ’99, so when the idea of going to a bottomless brunch was put on the table, I said yes but in the back of my mind I told myself I wouldn’t actually attend (don’t tell me you all haven’t done this!) Soon enough, a venue was selected – Rascals, in Shoreditch. A couple of clicks later and I was perusing the website, hold on I thought, this is a bit of me. Bailing had gone right out of the window and I was bang on it, even suggesting pink as the colour palette we should all dress to.

Saturday soon arrived, and of course me being me, I was accidentally hungover. You know the one, you go out for dinner the night before you’re meant to be doing something, you drink too much wine, you forget that you’ve drank too much wine, so proceed to drink even more wine, then wake up wallowing in your own self pity and stinking like a bin. Or…. Is that just me? Any way – lets fast forward past the almost vomit-inducing train journey, and we are in a bar around the corner from Rascals having some pre-brunch drinks. I don’t know how I managed it, but two cocktails deep I was back to my normal self and I was READY. Two women stumbled into the bar we were in, and made a beeline for us. ‘WE HAVE JUST BEEN TO THIS UH-MAYYYZIN BRUNCH,’ the vegan squawked. ALAS, how did I know she was vegan you ask? Because she proceeded to tell me the place wasn’t very vegan friendly and how she’d been a vegan for two years. We kind of twigged it was Rascals and shimmied back over to our booth. 3pm was upon us and it was time to head to our destination, the queue was small, and we were shortly ushered in to the best table in the house. I’m still unsure why this happened but I was semi-lit and feeling prestige so I wasn’t going to question it.

On the table, we had an espresso martini and mimosa waiting for us, along with a rather strange but fantastic character, Ginger Phlappage, our host for the brunch. I’m unsure if it was the free-flowing alcohol that made Ginger so hilarious, but HOLY SHIT she was funny. Every time we took a sip of our drink, it got topped up. After playing some games, drinking some more and three courses later, the GC made an appearance. I think even the GC would have liked the fake GC – the resemblance was uncanny. Brunch soon ended – so we went next door to Ballie Ballerson to get balls deep, and Mel used her charm to get us all in for free (holla). I’m going to stop the story there, as I would hate to embarrass anyone (psst so basically as the night progressed, Mel, our good-time gal, got super clarted and threw up x3, and once more in a Burger King bag on the way home). All in all the brunch was a success, 10/10, would recommend.